matt damon is lost in the catacombs of paris
This newsletter features Mraz musings, hot dog diatribes, and sticker suggestions.
Hello! You’ve reached kelsey’s corner, the only newsletter on the internet written and lovingly curated by me, Kelsey. This edition was written under duress. (My tummy hurt!!!)
May you know the meaning of the word happiness
May you always lead from the beating in your chest
May you be treated like an esteemed guest
May you get to rest, may you catch your breath
extremely online corner | Meet the conspiracy theorists who think Britney Spears still isn’t free. And then meet the viral TikTok fashionista who dresses insane and is lowkey racist?1 And then you can read about how Tik Tok fans of horny hockey books have caused enormous trouble for a very real Seattle team.
🚨 We’ve got another five-star read to add to 2023’s pile. Liam (friend, fellow Ragtime enthusiast, generally great guy) got me Raw Dog by Jamie Loftus for my birthday and even though it took me a full month to finish it deserves the virtual five-star sticker2. It is equal parts disgusting, heartfelt, and incredibly kind to the people who kept us fed during the pandemic. I highly recommend it - even if you have to skip over the meatpacking chapter.
I was kind of shocked by Theater Camp: it’s warm and esoteric and has some of the best physical comedy I’ve seen all year. Feels like a summer camp classic in the same neighborhood as Wet Hot American Summer.
I have been on an extreme three-pronged apartment revamp plan and now that I’m knee-deep into part two I can’t stop organizing things. Look how nice my medicine cabinet looks! I’m thriving!
I went to a little makers market last weekend for National Stationary Day (more on that below!) and I met a small shop owner who also has a dog named Bucky. I knew I was going to buy something from her, but I didn’t know it would be this incredible hat that highlights my passion for collecting stickers.
dogs doing things corner | At the end of the day aren’t we all a little corgi swimming agains the current? Also, I first watched this video in the middle of the night when I shouldn’t be on my phone and it made me laugh so hard I cried. It’s okay have big feelings! Let ‘em out!
Another great fridge and pantry restock from a woman who, I can only assume, has 46 children. Once I buy these Home Edit canisters from Walmart it’s over for you bitches.
alden ehrenreich corner | A Hobie Doyle fancam with the funniest possible music drop! An interview where he admits he loves improv!3 The tense and horny Fair Play trailer!
I know sometimes life is very hard and things get shitty but we are all so close to outlasting Mitch McConnell. That’s the kind of spite I’m happy to live for.
actual recommendation corner | I think most of the food at Dryhop in Lakeview is mid at best (and I fully cannot speak to their beers) but boy howdy their soft pretzel is good as hell. Don’t get it to share - just eat it alone and savor the experience. I also finally visited Paper & Pencil in Andersonville for National Stationary Day and it was magical: the owners are so stinkin’ nice and they had a bunch of really neat stuff.
kelsey’s corner (meta!) | Jason Mraz was great. You will never hear me disrespect a Jason Mraz show; I sat directly next to a garbage can and still had the time of my life. He’s one of the only performers who is allowed to do bits in between songs. The next two weeks are slow going, but I am taking my Dad and my stepmom to the Crosstown Classic so uh, pray for me.
I’ll be back on August 25 and hopefully my stomach will stop hurting. In the meantime, why don’t you check out the most-clicked link from the last newsletter — this joyful celebration of ice. And, if you want to follow me around the internet you can find a link to my other socials here.
If you liked this newsletter, please share it with a friend or an enemy using the button below. If you double-liked this newsletter and want to buy me a Slurpee for my troubles here’s my virtual tip jar. Until then, please be nice to people. I’ll be thinking of you.
Your friend,
Kelsey
“I never go to Queens” just say you’re boring!!!
I almost gave it four stars because she was mean to the Chicago dog but then I remembered I like ketchup. We all sin in our own ways.
There is nothing scarier a man can do than tell you he loves improv. The second scariest thing a man can do is murder, I guess?