three cheers for five years (!!!)
This newsletter features a lot. Too much, almost. An egregious amount.
Hello! You’ve reached kelsey’s corner, the only newsletter on the internet written and lovingly curated by me, Kelsey. This edition was sent in between fits of throwing confetti in the air.
IT’S OUR FIVE YEAR ANNIVERSARY!!!
Apologies for the all caps, but I’m excited! I didn’t know if I could commit to this newsletter for one year, let alone five, and I’m filled with an odd sense of pride. The truth is, I would probably still write this thing if nobody read it so the fact that you (yes, you!) are currently reading it tickles me to no end. I’m enormously grateful to have you in my corner. I almost bought a balloon to celebrate.
I’ve tried to think of a segway for this part for a few days but I keep getting stuck. So! Some news:
This newsletter is closing up shop at the end of 2023.
Until then, I’m moving back to basics and sending out a scaled back, weekly version of kelsey’s corner.
I know ending anything is a bummer, but I just think it’s be time. Maybe I’ll find a new hobby in the real world. Maybe I’ll pull a Phantom of the Opera and announce closing, then extend, and then close five months later in a sort of whimper versus a bang. Maybe I’ll turn my timely curation skills into a book.1 Regardless, I’m telling you early so you soak up all the good stuff until then and not be shocked when December rolls around.
On the flip side, I’ve decided from now until December I’m taking it back to basis. If you were around for the inception of this newsletter you’ll know it was originally called fiveday, and the whole bit was I sent you five things (songs/books/articles/TV shows/movies/purchases/whatever) every week. And you know what the beauty of a bit is?
It’s always better the second time.
From now through December I’m moving this newsletter to five weekly items, just like how I started it. Some weeks I won’t have anything and you’ll just get a picture of Bucky; some weeks I’ll have to really consolidate. I’m hoping this allows me to a) get kind of weird with things before I close this virtual door and b) go deep and write more, because I love writing. I hope you like this change and I promise to make it worth your while.
That’s it! No more news, just celebrations from here on out. Genuinely, I can’t thank you enough for reading this and hanging out with me for five years (or two years or two months or whenever you subscribed.) When I was 15 all I wanted was for people to read what I wrote. I can’t believe I get to say that came true.
Lovely to sit between comfort and chaos
(Hey now) We never knew how to forfeit
(Hey now) But we always knew how to talk sh—All these people think love's for show
But I would die for you in secret
The devil's in the details, but you got a friend in me
Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?2
When I started drafting today’s email I had 10+ articles in my notes, so I’ll spare you the full excerpts and just hit you with little one-sentence summaries:
celeb corner | Brett Goldstein continues to be funny and hot.
internet corner | The flipside of this article is about influencer dogs who don’t pay their taxes, which is the plot of my new screenplay. My friends and I can’t stop chugging the horror that is water-tok. Men continued to be bothered by [checks notes] Brie Larson3 getting work? And, this Hung Up x Gossip Time dive into who Taylor Swift should date next deserves a Pulitzer.
shopping corner | Please donate $500 so I can buy the dog bed for humans. I think that would finally fix me.
theatre corner | There’s so much to be said about Phantom of the Opera but comparing Andrew Lloyd Webber’s work to a t-shirt cannon will keep me laughing for years.
tv corner | I’ve really been loving the Drinks with Broads newsletter and their takes on this season of Ted Lasso are spot-on.
I haven’t been watching anything too good the past few weeks4 but I did feel smarter after watching this YouTube video on the Hailey/Selena/Justin love triangle.
Remember a minute ago when I said I haven’t watched anything too good in the past few weeks? I wrote that before Jamie Tartt taught Roy Kent how to ride a bike.
My family wanted to see my Ireland photos on Easter but I didn’t want to hand my phone over to a bunch of old folks, so I made a cute little photo book on Artifact Uprising. It’s only about 30 pages but it’s adorable and gets the job done!
I can’t stop doing the Vulture 10x10 and the Daily Beast crossword. It’s becoming obsessive. I’m seeing three-letter words for “Lagunitas brew” in my sleep.
Rare Beauty is one of my go-to’s for lip products (their Dewy Lip Balm in the color Empathy is a holy grail) and I’ve really been liking the Soft Pinch Tinted Lip Oil in Wonder. And I can confirm, it stains. I am notorious for biting my lips and this holds on for a long while regardless of how nervous I am. I also impulse bought the Being Frenshe Hair/Body/Linen Mist in Bergamot Cedar while I was moseying around Target the other day and goodness gracious it reminds me of like PINK/Bath and Body Works in the best way.
music corner | This mashup would make me go feral in the club (if, y’know, I was ever at a club). And, I can’t dance to save my life but I’d sell some of things to be able to do this and look cool.
organization corner | Back on my bullshit (watching fancy ladies organize their fridges).
pup corner | Rue is my second-string therapist.
Good food is tough to come by in Streeterville, but Robert’s Pizza has a lovely patio and a bunch of cool-sounding pizzas. Land & Lake has the best breakfast potatoes in the city. And, Honey Butter Fried Chicken5 is one of the only meals worth a $30 price tag at the United Center.
I accidentally went to Jonathan Towes’ last game as a Blackhawk and I gotta say it: hockey games are theatre. You pay $30 and get to watch the bird-mascot throw baked beans at people. There’s fighting! Drama! Karaoke! I caught a free hat! I’m genuinely sad they’re done until the winter.
It’s almost the king’s birthday. Please clap!
I actually don’t know when Bucky’s actual birthday is (neither does he) but I adopted him three years ago on April 24. He is my best friend, my littlest guy, and the reason I wake up most days. I love him very much.
1 comment on this newsletter = 1 chicken treat for the Birthday Prince. I’ll share a video of him eating his bounty next Friday!
I’ll (probably) be back next week with a photo of Bucky or five cool things to share with you. In the meantime, why don’t you check out the most-clicked link from the last newsletter — my beloved How to Keep House While Drowning by Kc Davis. And, if you want to follow me around the internet you can find a link to my other socials here.
If you liked this newsletter, please share it with a friend or an enemy using the button below. If you double-liked this newsletter and want to buy me a Slurpee for my troubles here’s my virtual tip jar. Until then, please be nice to people. I’ll be thinking of you.
Your friend,
Kelsey
I might do the first one. I will not do the second two.
I’m no Taylor/Joe truther but the fact that this song came true - screaming, crying, throwing up!
The fact that she responded to a fan who asked what bra she used to pull off a specific (and very normal, not superhero-y) look in The Marvels trailer makes me love her even more. Proletariat queen!
Besides Top Chef, tbh. The global all-stars season slaps!!!
Honey Butter is so stinkin’ good I just looked it up on DoorDash even though it’s 8:35 p.m. and I already ate dinner. Ordering a share size of their fried chicken strips is my ideal version of meal prep. Jess or Luke, if you’re reading this…should I bring these when I see you in early May?
*chanting intensifies* chicken treat, chicken treat, Chicken Treat, CHICKEN TREAT