Hello and welcome to kelsey’s corner, the only newsletter on the internet written and lovingly curated by me, Kelsey. This week is all about my entire YouTube history, renting the runway, and another trip around the sun.
It’s my birthday! I’m 26! Who knew we’d make it this far! I doubted it for a while, if we’re being honest.
When I think about my 16-year-old self I feel equal parts “honey, you’ve got a big storm comin’” and somehow not enough empathy for a kid who was trying her absolute best. I’m working on that last part.
However, after 26 years on this Earth I have learned a few things about myself: I don’t like concerts where you can’t sit down. I’ll see any Matt Damon movie, no matter how poorly marketed. I’m a good friend and bad with directions. And I’m always trying; to be better, to learn more, and to give myself some kindness.
Anyway, I know you don’t subscribe to this newsletter for my deep takes on aging so let’s get into the good stuff. The price of entry? You have to look at this picture of me at the Cubs game last weekend.
Things for Your Ears
Blank Check is doing watch-along episodes of the Twlight saga on their Patreon and they’re delightful. Edward Cullen is a dang-ass freak, confirmed.
My beloved British import My Dad Wrote a Porno is back for it’s sixth book of misunderstood anatomy, geographic confusion, and embarrassment for all involved. If you’ve never listened to it the title does a lot of heavy lifting: Jamie’s dad writes erotic novels and he reads them with his friends Alice and James. It’s equal parts horrific and delightful and I love it very much.
Things for Your Eyes
I guess I never realized how widespread FaceTune use was…or that folks are using their FaceTuned selves as a blueprint for what they want to look like IRL, which isn’t attainable or physically possible. The pre- and post-FaceTune photos in the article are insane.
We currently have 1.5 more movies in the Fast and Furious series before we’re done (and mentally prepared for Fast 9) but this does beg the question: who are the candy asses? It’s probably Vin Diesel. Is Tyrese a candy ass? Maybe. It’s probably not Paul Walker because it’s rude to call a dead man a candy ass. It’s not Ludacris because he has a show on Discovery+ called “Luda Can’t Cook” and I don’t think Discovery+ employees candy asses. Anyway, this has taken up too much of my brain but I will not rest until I confirm the candy asses.
People don’t want to buy clothes anymore and Rent the Runway is boomin’. I actually had a dress on hold there in the before times and I might tip my toe back into the rental waters. Have you ever used RTR? Did you like it? Let me know.
Things for Your Ears and Eyes
Ford v Ferrari is still a good. It’s on HBO Max now and it’s very loud but a very good Sunday movie. Vroom Vroom, baby! Viva Le Mans!
These days I am less of a person and more of a tangled web of Kendall Rae true crime videos. I like her because she’s very calming to listen to and also a) helps raise money for victims families and b) invites family members of the missing or deceased on to bring awareness to cases. This one really drove me nuts and I’ll take any and all theories you have.
I know I shared one of these videos last week but I keep watching more and they get funnier and funnier. Why did Gordo let Lizzie McGuire meet a strange man in Italy? She was 14! Cell phones weren’t fancy! She could have been Natalee Holloway’d* right into the Trevi Fountain! Ms. Ungermire still rules though.
I’d watch Nicole Byer and Seth Meyers talk for one hundred years. One hundred years!
Sometimes you have to make a choice to have fun and, for me, watching this video is a number one joy choice.
Things
Re-upping some of my favorite products for a literal hot girl summer: Thigh Rescue for the days you wear dresses and Bust Dust for the ‘ol underboob sweat.
Things to Make You Smile
I’m obsessed with these big dogs on Tik Tok who wear knit hats and try different snacks. The captions? Magnificent. The monching and cronching? Divine.
And this is the energy I’m bringing into my brand new year.
I’ll be back on June 18 getting ready for a bridal shower. And, you know, sharing what I’ve consumed with you.
If you liked this newsletter, please share it with a friend or an enemy. Until then, please keep wearing your mask (in public and in stores, mostly) (the CDC says you don’t need to wear it outside) (but also check your local regulations) and be nice to people. I’ll be thinking of you.
Your friend,
Kelsey
*Her body has still never been found and no one has been charged. Isn’t that nuts? I really have to cool it with the true crime YouTube videos.