one time for the AIRheads
This newsletter features Gaylor theories, big ears, and a magazine’s worth of profiles.
Hello! You’ve reached kelsey’s corner, the only newsletter on the internet written and lovingly curated by me, Kelsey. This edition was sent before I scuttle off to my first Cubs game of the season. Dansby Swanson better impress me!
Now that it’s nice out Bucky and I are going on more Hot Girl Moseys™️, which are similar to Hot Girl Walks™️ but involve us stopping every 15 seconds so the little prince can sniff stuff. I listen to a lot less podcasts than I used to but I like picking one to decompress with on my moseys and this week it was How Did This Get Made’s deep dive into the Michael Bay masterpiece AmbuLAnce.
One thing I’m (begrudgingly) coming to terms with is I have a complication relationship with keeping my apartment clean, and it has nothing to do with being lazy or lacking motivation. How to Keep House While Drowning by KC Davis a) made me cry and b) helped me understand things I can do to make my home functional for me, not the other way around. This is my first five star book of the year!
Grub Street Diets have been boring lately (I saw a tweet I can’t place where someone said people who don’t eat breakfast should be disqualified from writing these and I heartily agree) but this one is reasonably fun.
No, I do not watch Succession. Yes, I stand with all the little freaks who love Kendall Roy.
In the bathroom breakdown scene, Kendall doesn’t just fail to earn his father’s approval. He silently hides all traces of his rage, believing himself to be a better person than Logan and eventually trying to outsmart him. When he tries to one-up his father, he is thwarted by his own family, and the cycle begins again.
To his fans, that’s alluring.
“He’s hot, he’s pathetic, and he needs love,” said Laura, a 33-year-old from Toronto. “Yes, he is babygirl, but I also need him carnally. He contains multitudes.”
Emily Henry girlies are we ready for Happy Place? My ranking of her books goes: People We Meet on Vacation, Book Lovers, and Beach Read. I have no clue where this bad boy is going to fall on that list.
It’s a romance that has to be safe before it can be passionate. Henry’s books are full of people who are messy and know they need to deal with it before they can be good partners. And while the books might seem a little prudish in their adherence to no assholes, no volatility (isn’t the sex better in books where toxic assholes roam free?), this offering of normal and supportive love is its own kind of radical. Love, as Henry presents it, is sturdy, long-lasting if cared for correctly, a low-grade constant warmth versus a hot, devouring flame. “Love, after all, was often made not of shiny things but practical ones. Ones that grew old and rusted only to be repaired and polished,” she writes in Beach Read.
[scribbling down notes] make sure all thirst traps show men I’m watching Guy’s Grocery Games on an ad-free Discovery+ subscription
Katrina Nguyen, 27 (and a former BuzzFeed employee), said our thirst traps are different now because our internet is different — we know recruiters are lurking on our public profiles at any time, we are constantly fed content about our own bodies, and many users are desensitized to the NSFW content that appears unannounced on our feeds. And that can also be freeing.
“Everybody has tits, everybody has ass, you know?” she said. “If I actually want to entrap a man’s thirst, I’ll post a picture of me on the couch watching Formula One in the background or something. Then they’ll be like, ‘Is that Formula One?’”
I hope Brie Larson is having a good day and I can’t wait to see her in Fast X. That’s it!
Larson’s team used to joke that she was making awkward choices and not following a well-laid path long before she had any right to. “We do these cover stories, and they tell a story, like everything made sense, but it didn’t.” A couple of years ago, she was at a David Hockney career retrospective, and his life and work looked so cohesive that it made her cry. “I was like, ‘I’ll never be like that. Maybe I’m not even an artist.’ ” Then she realized that that’s not how he must have experienced it. It only made sense in retrospect.
I know I talk a lot about being a self-styled Matt Damon scholar, but I just want Ben Affleck to be happy. I think he’s a good director who’s been through a lot and I genuinely love reading/watching his interviews. Also, a question for the crowd: do you think Ben Affleck knew who Dua Lipa was before the Grammys or did he have to ask?
Did you mind the “Ben Affleck having a bad time at the Grammys” meme?
No. I had a good time at the Grammys. My wife was going, and I thought, “Well, there’ll be good music. It might be fun.” At movie award shows, it’s speeches and, like, sound-mixing webinars. But I thought this would be fun. I saw [Grammy host Trevor Noah approach] and I was like, “Oh, God.” They were framing us in this shot, but I didn’t know they were rolling. I leaned into her and I was like, “As soon they start rolling, I’m going to slide away from you and leave you sitting next to Trevor.” She goes, “You better fucking not leave.” That’s a husband-and-wife thing. I mean, some of it is, I’m like, “All right, who is this act?” Like, I don’t keep up. My wife does, obviously. And yeah, it is your wife’s work event. And I’ve gone to events and been pissed off. I’ve gone and been bored. I’ve gone to award shows and been drunk, a bunch. Nobody ever once said I’m drunk. [But at the Grammys] they were like, “He’s drunk.” And I thought, that’s interesting. That raises a whole other thing about whether or not it’s wise to acknowledge addiction because there’s a lot of compassion, but there is still a tremendous stigma, which is often quite inhibiting. I do think it disincentivizes people from making their lives better.
AIR! AIR!!! What a picture. I’m a sucker for Matt Damon movies, movies marketed towards Dads, and movies that feature a 7-Eleven. This one had all of that. Ben Affleck is a great director, Viola Davis is the only woman in the world, and I heartily recommend you take your Dad to see AIR.
Thank you to my friend Kelley for introducing me to Ashley Norton’s YouTube videos; within the last week I’ve spent seven hours with her learning about Bad Cinderella, Gaylor Theory, the scandals of Bella Thorne, and much more.
I bought this big pillow from a suburban Target because the Spider-Man plush I previously used as a “pillow” had seen better days. It’s very good. Very comfortable. I love you, big Target pillow!
I apologize if I’ve seen you in the past week and have said, “given your history” to you. I don’t think you deserved it but it sure was fun.
My Dad and I are going to a Cubs/Sox game in August and I promise you it’ll turn out exactly like this.
I do not know anything about Lucy Dacus (I promise you I’m an ally!!!) but I have never felt so seen by someone’s opinions about space.
I feel this way about both dogs and trains. Especially when dogs are on trains. That’s the good stuff!
He has very big ears and he hates the rain. In two weeks he’ll be seven years old!
I’ll be back on April 21 for the fifth anniversary of this here newsletter AND Bucky’s presumed birthday/definite adoption anniversary. There will be celebrations! There will be web-changing announcements! There will be whimsy! I hope you’re on the edge of your seat until then. In the meantime, I’ll try to get Bucky to drop his wishlist.
If you liked this newsletter, please share it with a friend or an enemy using the button below. If you double-liked this newsletter and want to buy me a Slurpee for my troubles here’s my virtual tip jar. Until then, please be nice to people. I’ll be thinking of you.
Your friend,
Kelsey